Project 31 Wishing for a time when he was healthy

I copied this from one of my favorite bloggers Meghann, but seeing as how we do not have children I tweaked it to better fit us.

Day 1. What age do you miss the most?
Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3. A photo that makes you happy
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6. Your most embarrassing moment
Day 7. Do you believe in the "cry yourself to sleep" method?
Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!
Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10. What are some of your favorite MAC products, and what foundation/powder do you wear?
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. A YouTube video
Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15. What do you wish for?
Day 16. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. Write a letter to your future children.
Day 19. Write about your significant other
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write about your most vivid childhood memory. Post a picture of you taken over ten years ago.
Day 22. What did you do today?
Day 23. Who's your celebrity look alike?
Day 24. What is God teaching you presently?
Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27. Who are your favorite bloggers?
Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29. Your day, in great detail
Day 30. What do you think is going to happen to you after you die?
Day 31. Your favorite quote

Day 1.

What age do I miss the most?  Geez, I am not sure how to answer this.  I currently am the happiest I have ever been in life.  However there are many days where I find myself thinking, I wish my Grandpa were still here.  He passed away 4 years ago this month.  So I guess maybe a good time to go back to would be when he was at his healthiest during my life. 

His health was always up and down, he was hospitalized many many times during his time here on Earth, so I guess I cannot pinpoint an age but rather a time.  I would go back to the summers we would spend together going to the park, him walking me to the bus stop in kindergarten, our vacations every October to Myrtle Beach.  I would even go back to the days and activities I never liked doing only so I could be with him again. The biggest one I can remember was rubbing his feet until he fell asleep when I had my favorite show on in the evenings.  Now looking back at this I would rub his feet for hours just to spend more time with him.  

I would go back to the summer evenings in the garage listening to the police scanner or the Reds games and the very distinct smell of wood and sawdust.  To sitting on the porch and watching birds come up to the feeders. The day we went to a coin shop in Hamilton to find some new pennies and other coins for my collection. I would go back to the day where I no longer thought coins were cool and change my mind.  

I would go back to the first time Grandpa ever met BC and stay longer, letting them get to know each other better.  I would tell BC more about the time I spent with my Grandpa and the things we did together, and the effect he has had on my life.  I know that BC knows all of these things but I would have spent more time telling him before my Grandpa passed.

I would go to the last few months my Grandpa was alive and heal my relationship with my mother, it was a rocky time for the two of us, and it kept us from putting our problems aside to spend more time with my Grandpa.  I also VERY STRONGLY believe that it hindered our grieving process and all in all sent us opposite directions for awhile.  When we needed each other most we were not truly able to lean on each other fully.  

But seeing as how it is impossible to turn back time I will make a promise to change from here on.  I promise to share stories of how incredible of a man my Grandpa was with my brother and sister who were robbed of him at such a young ago, with my cousins, some of who were far to young to remember all he did for his family, with my mother I will share my favorite memories from when we lived with my Grandparents and the wonderful things he had said about my mother, with my aunts and uncles; I will share the incredible love he had for each one of them, with my Grandma I will share, the immense and never ending love he had for her, the praises of her he made when she was not listening, and the overpowering love in his eye when he looked at her, with my husband I will share every story I can remember of my days spent with my best friend and Grandpa, I will look at you everyday with the same overpowering love, and finally for my future children:  I promise to live each day striving to love you like he loved each person that came into his life. I will sacrifice everything for you to have the best, not in material items, but in love and life. I promise to look at you with that same overpowering love in my eye.  And I also promise you that from before the time you are conceived you will have a guardian angel in heaven watching over and protecting you from the evils of this Earth. 

Update on life lately

SOOO it has been awhile I know.  I don't know what my problem is, I have been slacking on videos and blogs!  Part of the reason is that we were house sitting for my parents and had no internet except on our phones.  But now we are home and I never thought I would be so happy to be home in my bed and back to my old routine. 

I think my parents air conditioner sprays out melatonin at night because it was impossible to stay awake at night, which made working at night that much harder. 

So this week has actually been pretty boring, it was a lot of hanging out at my parents house with their two dogs and sleeping.  We both worked a lot and didn't do much else other than that. 
Thursday we went to dinner and then I went to see Footloose with my cousin.  Friday I went to my old high school's homecoming game and it was a killing, I left in the 4th quarter when it was 51-13 and my school was winning.

Other than that life is normal.... well except for some body modifications for both of us.....

Right after BC fell

2 days later...

My 4th tattoo!  My wrist spasm'd during the tattoo, have to go back and get little bits touched up...

I LOVE IT!!!

SLAP HAPPY

OMG I forgot to tell you!!! Our nephew will be born today!!!

PARTY FOUL!!!

On Saturday night we went to a really good friends house for a bonfire. It was SOO much fun! I was the DD for BC and myself so it was his night to have fun.

Well BC has never been much of a drinker but Saturday let's just say he was having a blast. I had bought a smaller bottle of his favorite vodka. Well when I took the bottle away for the last time it was over 3/4 way gone.

That was the most I had ever seen him drink. The car ride home for him was not the best......

When we got home he wanted to take a shower, well it can get very slippery especially when you don't have complete control of your body.

I went into the bedroom to grab my pajamas and then heard a loud boom and BC yell. (Now one of my biggest fears is falling in the shower and getting seriously injured.) I ran back into the bathroom and saw he was ok. Then I was able to bust out laughing.

The shower has a track where the doors used to go, needless to say that is what he fell on. He hit so hard he bent the door track.

The bruise in his leg just keeps getting darker and darker but I will put an original pic of it below.

As it gets darker and causes him more pain I feel bad for him but it was his own fault.

Well talk to you soon!

Fingers and Car Doors Don't Mix!

So I have been extremely absent from these blogs recently.  I worked soooo much last week and this past weekend that I have basically been coming home and going to bed.  So here is how it went:

Monday I worked 7 pm to 7 am and it was a ROUGH night! 

Tuesday night should have been my off day but work was down a nurse so I agreed to work 7 pm to 7 am and I was on a wing that I have not worked since my orientation so it was a very busy night, but a good busy, and a welcomed break. 

Wednesday night I worked 7 pm to 7 am on my usual wing.  It was a good night.

Then Thursday I picked up for another nurse and worked 7 pm to 11 pm.  After work BC and I went to see the movie Courageous at midnight.  It was an incredible movie! I recommend it to everyone.

Friday I was off and spent pretty much the whole day working on bills and cleaning.  Then that afternoon I picked my sister up from school, we went to eat for my breakfast, then did some shopping, visiting my mother at work, and finally to pick my brother up from his practice.  We went to my parents house and got ready for the football game.

Friday nights game was a rough one and there were a few game changing bad calls.  Let me put it this way, the refs were TERRIBLE!  Our team wound up losing and the other should be proud of their practically one player who made ALL of their plays.  If that kid does not get a full ride scholarship for college or straight to the NFL I will be suprised.

Then because I had worked so much during the week I got one of PRN nurses to work my shift, money is tight at work and they were not happy that I was going to have 12 hours of overtime.  i love you bubbles. Yes I have left this screen for so long BC decided to add something in there. 
Ummmm Saturday was my aunt and uncle's 30th wedding anniversary and they were having a big party to celebrate that and a few of the birthdays for this month.  There were about 80 people at the party and  a lot of alcohol.  Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I am not a big drinker.  Well I don't know what got into me but Saturday night I was.  I know I finished 6 beers, 2 Jaegerbombs, a shot of schnaaps, and a few wine coolers, but I am told I drank more than that. 

A.) I never drink beer, and B.) I have not done shots in years!!! Let's just say I felt like crap once we got home, passed out on the bed and did not move until 430am when I relocated to the bathroom because I felt sick.  I sat there until 530 dry heaving and getting waves of nausea until I finally got sick and then felt so much better!

Sunday night came and I went to work like usual.  There was only one spot left in the employee lot and it was a tight squeeze for even my little car.  I went to get out of the car with my workbag, lunch pale and jacket all in my hand, mind you I was working with about a foot of space between me and the car next to me. When I went to close the door my right hand got in the way.  YES! I closed my car door on the first 4 fingers of my right hand and cut the nail of my pointer finger just above the nail bed. 

It hurt like a b**** but then almost immediately went numb.  My whole hand was numb!  Try working in a field that requires a lot of writing with a numb dominant hand!! It was not easy or fun!  I got ahold of my on call doctor, they said to splint it and to come in to see them the next day.  My hand "woke up" at about 3 am all except for the pointer finger. 

Everything checked out with the doctor on Monday, it is not fractured and he told me to super glue the nail to help it stay on longer.  It is not a pretty site nor does it feel good, but I will tell you one thing, it is still numb.  The bruising just seems to get worse everyday. 

I was a ble to squeeze in with another doc on Monday for my six month check up and I got an almost clean bill of health other than my hormones.... blah! Apparently the reason why my hair has been falling out so much is my low estrogen..... So here is to more medicine! And pills that smells like feet!

Tuesday was a very lazy day around the house.  We took a walk and then we cut my grandma's grass in the morning and then I spent the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing.

Wednesday I made a nice ham roast, augratin potatoes and peas for dinner.  I was able to use some vouchers for free things at Kroger and was able to get free ice cream and some other stuff. So since I had ice cream I felt obliged to make brownies lol.  It was nice suprise for BC when he got off work.

Well g2g now.

Thanks for reading pics will be in the next post!  I have been working on this since Monday, seeing as how it is Thursday morning I just want to post it.

THIS IS FOR MY WIFEY/ OUR FIRST KISS

HI GUYS, JUST TO START OFF YOU NEED TO KNOW I SUCK AT SPELLING AND GRAMMER SO DON'T MAKE FUN PLEASE. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME BLOGGING TOO. I AM DOING THIS FOR MY LOVELY WIFE THAT JUST STARTING TO DO THIS TOO. SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE SO I WILL HELP HER OUT CAUSE SHE IS WORKING TILL THE AM. p.s. I MEAN I'M WHIPPED LOL. I GUESS HE TOLD YOU HOW WE MEET ALREADY AND OUR FIRST DATE WHICH WAS VERY COOL BY THE WAY. I MEAN WHO CAN SAY THAT THEIR FIRST DATE WAS TO SKYLINE AND THEN TO GO SEE JACKASS 2 I'M COME ON AWESOME LOL. I KNEW RIGHT AWAY THAT SEE WAS THE ONE FOR ME. I WILL NEVER FORGET OUR FIRST KISS. I HAD DROP HER OFF ONE DAY AFTER SCHOOL AND WE WERE IN THE DOOR FRAME AND WE WERE LOOKING EYE TO EYE WE WERE BOTH SO NERVOUS I THEN SAID WE CAN KISS I DON'T BIT HARD( I WAS SOOOO SMOOTH NOT) THEN I WENT FOR IT AND BOOM WE KISSED TONGUE AND ALL WHOOP WHOOP LOL. SORRY IM TIRED. I THOUGHT THE KISS WAS GREAT AND THEN SHE SAID (LIKED SHE DONE IT BEFORE) WE WILL NEED TO WORK ON THAT. I THEN SAID WE WILL HAVE A LONG TIME TO WORK ON THAT (TRYING NOT TO SHOW MY PRIDE WAS DEEPLY HURT). SO THAT WAS OUR FIRST KISS SOMETHING I WILL NEVER FORGET THANKS TO MY ONE AND ONLY TRUE FRIEND MUSHROOM SWISS BUERGER

Falling for you...

You know that Marshmallow Fireside candle I got the other day...well it is half way gone!

As some of you may know I sell for the company Thirty-One and I am currently a Senior Consultant.  I am looking to grow my business and in doing so I am expanding my merchandise.  Here are a few things I ordered and came in the mail this week:

The top is a hanging wall organizer and the bottom is a lunch tote.

Today was the first day where I really felt like it was fall.  BC on the other hand probably thought it was spring with the amount of cleaning and organizing that I was doing.  Poor guy, lol.  I have recently been on a cleaning spree.  Not to where I have to do it everyday and my house does not have to be spotless but it would just be nice to be able to see our master bedroom floor more often.  Today I embarked on the mission to get it truly clean.  I dusted every piece of furniture, put everything away in the right spot and vacuumed twice.  I cannot tell you the last time that floor was so clean, oh yes I can… the day we moved in! 

 

At first BC and I were very on top of keeping our house clean, I think it finally hit us that we owned this and we needed to keep it nice.  Well that did not last very long.  I liek to blame it on when BC went through the academy and working full time and I was going to school full time and working part time.  We just never had enough time to really clean.  Or when we did we would much rather have spent the time together.

 

Today due to my lovely PMS we got a lot of cleaning done after not "playing nice" with eachother.  I know I said some things that could have been said much nicer, but there is nothing that infuriates me more than me working my tail off and seeing others just sit and listen to the Bengals on the radio and watch another game on the TV.  

 

I am one happy person though because up until our dryer broke our living room, office, and master bedroom were clean. :)  We have out a lot of money into our dryer since we moved in and today it finally kicked the bucket, the screws rusted off fell onto the heating coil and it broke again.  Fortunately on of BC's friends had a dryer they were no longer using and he gave it to us for free! 

 

YAY for not having to go to the laundromat!

 

Our deal that BC and I have worked out is that I will do the dishes and he will do the laundry, neither person is required to help the other.  BC recently realized he got the raw end of the deal and I have kind of made out like a bandit, but I hate doing laundry and he hates doing dishes so in our own little way it is fair. 

 

So seeing as now I finally adjusted to my night shift schedule and I simply do not care if I wake my neighbors up cleaning, however I will not vacuum at night, I am becoming more of a housewife. I find that I do not clean everyday, and most days I let a lot of things slide but when I clean I really clean and I notice how much better I feel about my little house.

 

So I have made a goal to make our bed everyday.  I will start there.  I read today that if a bed is made the room is less likely to get messy.  SO I will keep my fingers crossed, but I will not get my hopes up. 

Another thing that I have done within the last week is put out my fall decorations.  I love this time of year for the colors, the weather and the time spent under the lights at a footbal game or watching one from home.  Here are some of my decorations below:

Also earlier in the week I had asked BC to stop at the store and pick up some zip ties so that we could hang up our orange (Bengals) rope lights.  The day I asked him turned out to be a really busy day at work for him and he simply forgot.  Well yesterday seeing how exaserbated from cleaning, while I took a nap he went and cut my grandma's grass and the store to pick up the zip ties.  It turns out they are actually called cable ties. 

I will put the lights up tomorrow morning so long as it is dry out.

Oh and our fishy family grew yesterday too!  We got some more Mollies and two plecostomus fish.  And the best part is we also got a mini turtle!  Since I am assuming you all have seen mollies and "sucker fish" here is our turtle: 

He needs a name! Any ideas?

Mushroom Swiss Buerger

I miss my boy

Originally posted on 9/24/11

So as I posted yesterday in the vlog it is time for change over AGAIN!  Change over in itself is not that bad, but it is much like busy work.  Basically you are making sure the records for the next month, for each patient, are accurate, so you are comparing them to the current months record, the chart and any new orders that have been written.  Fortunately it does not take too much time, however you actually have to be able to sit down to do them to get them done. 

When I worked Thursday night the change over paperwork was in, but I find it is like when I had a lot of homework from school.  I go to sit down in “my room” to do it and then I see how messy my room is and I wind up cleaning it before I start my homework.  This is how Thursday night went for me.  I basically did every other thing that needed to be done at work other than change over.  My intentions were to make a big dent in change over last night…..that did not happen.

Last night was one of the craziest nights at work that I have had a long time.  By the end of the night I felt like my brain was sitting on a platter in front of me and I could literally see the zombies eating it but I could do nothing to stop them. 

When I left work and realized how beautiful it felt outside I called my mom and told her I wanted to join her at the Spina Bifida walk she and my brother and sister were doing.  So running on no sleep since 3pm the day before, I picked up breakfast and waitied for my mom to come pick me up.  The weather was just the right temperature and the sprinkles helped to keep me cool on my power walk.  lol

When she took me home it was my intention to get a few hours of sleep then head over with BC to a party her friends have every year.  Yeah well, when BC woke me up I felt like crap, and I could barely keep my eyes open, so back to sleep I went.  Now I am sitting here wide awake, and wanting to go do something.  So it looks as though I will be making a WalMart run at roughly 3 am. 

Have you ever done this??  I find it is the absolute best time to shop.  You are alone in the store with only the workers and they are stocking shelves so they are not bothering you! 

Tonight while I was doing my daily Facebook creeping one of my friends had put a status up about taking a dog back to the pound and then the dog passes away.  It really hit me hard regarding the dog we just had to have put down Radar.  I have not mentioned him in the vlogs or blogs yet because it has been all too fresh.  One night when I was at work BC came home, took Radar outside and then when they came inside Radar began to have seizure.  BC took him to the emergency vet and he was told, you can put him on a medicine that can be very costly and he will be on it forever, or you can hope that he will not have  seizures again , but that it unlikely.  When BC asked, “Can you tell me if he is in pain?”  The vet said, “I can’t answer 100% but most likely he is.” 

My Baby Boy

BC took Radar home that night where he had 3 more seizures before I came home from work.  When BC told me what had happened I was heartbroken.  As much as sometimes Radar got under my skin he was like my first born.  We talked for a long time about what we should do and decided that neither one of us could see him in pain and that we knew he would not be the same or like taking medicine everyday.  To make our dog the happiest we knew we had to make the hardest decision ever. 

At the vet the night before BC had explored all of our options, and the price to have Radar put down through them was much to expensive.  We placed a call to our friend who worked for the SPCA where we originally got Radar one year before to see the cost there.  They were excellent in working with us and really helped us through a hard time.  When we arrived at the SPCA my emotions got the best of me and I asked BC to take Radar in while I waited in the car.  This decision I ultimately regret.  Not being able to be there for my baby boy was so hard to deal with but I am not sure I would have been able to do what was best for him had I gone inside. 

Now as I sit here reminiscing I think back to the day we got my sweet boy Radar.  My family had told me not to get a dog, they said it would too hard.  Well being the dog lovers we are we went to the SPCA not intending to buy a dog, just to look.  We walked through all of their kennels and came to the one Radar was in last.  He was in the very first stall with another very small dog.  He was the only dog who did not bark at us.  He was a beautiful dog.  I had my heart set on finding a Basset Hound.  When we read the information card about him, we saw that he name was Radar and he was part Beagle, Basset and Daschund.  BC and I looked at eachother and just knew, this was our dog!  We had intended on naming our dog something to do with the police field and there he was.  All 25 pounds of sweetness.

While we were filling out paperwork the clerk told us that he had belonged to a couple who had lost their home and had to move into an apartment that did not allow pets. 

When we left I dropped BC off at home, so he could get the house ready for Radar.  Radar and I went to Petsmart to get him some food and also some toys and bones and such.  When he finally got home I remember Radar slept for 2 full days.  And when he finally woke up he became the light of our lives, with his playful spirit and his intense ability to let you know he loved you.  He also was a smart dog, he found our treat drawer and anytime you talked sweet to him or told him “Good Boy” he would walk over to the treat drawer and just sit by it waiting for a treat. 

Well I need to go dry my tears now, I will talk to you soon!

Here are the rest of the pics that would not go up the other day:

Ikea Candles!

These candles are so strong smelling in the glasses, but I am kinf of upset that they are not as strong when they are burning.  But you can’t beat them for $1.99 and they have a 30 hour burn time each.

 

We finally got a wastebasket for the office!

This hold soo much!

 

Our new desk organizer!

This had finally allowed me to put things on the desk in an organized fashion!

 

Our new pen and misc crap holder.

We keep our black pens in the far left pot, our colored pens and pencils in the far right, and paper clips and thumb tacks and misc crap in the 2 middle ones.

 

Another pic from Homecoming 2006