Thursday, November 29, 2012

Women Connect 2012

Wow!  What a challenge.  Becky at From Mrs. to Mama

has started an amazing Link Up.  And I have no idea where to start.  

She has encouraged us all to be 100% honest and really open up.

So here I go.  

A little over a year ago I started this blog as a way to express myself in my favorite and least controversial way possible, writing.  I was not very serious about it, it was a just a fun outlet for me.  

I had 1 follower and a few people from Facebook read them when I shared it on there.  

Since Alex was born I have found a new meaning for sharing our lives and more importantly his.

When I started this blog babies were not even on the radar for Chris and I.  I had been told getting pregnant was going to be very difficult and it was 75% likely I was going to need medical intervention.  In fact I was almost at a point where I could say I didn't want kids.  Chris was on the same level.  We knew we were not ready.  

But God works in mysterious ways.  Despite the probable diagnosis and the methods of protection we were taking we got pregnant.  

That was over a year ago.  Over that year, I have grown so much as a woman, a wife, a nurse and finally a mom.  

Who knew how much one person could change over 12 months, all while someone was changing inside of me at a miraculous pace.  

Now each morning a pair of bright blue eyes stare at me until I wake up fully relying on me for everything.  That is a responsibility no one could ever know until it is placed into their arms for the first time, or until they hear the cry for the first time.    

But now as I sit here wrangling my teething almost 5 month old :/ I find myself always asking, "Is what I am doing good enough.  Will he be appreciative of me?  Will he grow up to be half the man his father is?  How on Earth will I ever cope if anything happened to him?"  

I never knew one little heartbeat could cause such a conflict of emotions within me.  On one hand I feel so grown up and mature, but on the other he makes me feel so young and innocent again.  And no one ever told me about the guilt you would feel each time they cry, or that you leave for work or even take a shower.  

Life is so different, in a good way.  And as cliche as it sounds Alex has done nothing but good things for Chris and I.  

So now that this is as disjointed as my brain is right now, good night!  I hope to connect with so many amazing women through this!

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